Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. When it's a shark, you'll hear a tuba. Lets see if I can actually get him there on time. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here. 25 Funny and Relatable Tweets About Raising Boys, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service. Im 40. It's too late to impress them. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. ", I never really appreciated being able to just easily bend down and pick up things when I was younger, The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said whos the best mommy in the world? and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said grandma., Parenting tip: never, ever move the car seat. It's finally March, and you know what that means? Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! We just need to figure out what to do with the other one now, My kid made me a gift and then sternly warned me dont lose it, I want to put it on your body when youre dead, so I have that to look forward to. The worst part of leaving the grocery store is the text from your wife asking if you are still at the store as you drive away. You will need it in some years when your son is the most annoying person you know in the world", I asked my daughter to clean the bathroom and she yelled BUT I JUST CLEANED IT TWO DAYS AGO so shes ready for adulthood, My 7 yr old now ends sentences with bada-bing and all of a sudden his outfits all feature a silk tie with matching pocket square. My daughter has an Instagram account now. I dont care anymore if hes singing Old McDonald in this Safeway. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Apparently this was a gross miscalculation on my part, Forgot to wear a hazmat suit when cleaning out my sons backpack this morning and now I need a tetanus shot, Once I finished assembling the bookshelf my 7YO said, give your-shelf a pat on the back for a great jobNow, shes the Worlds Best Dad, My son just woke up from his nap SOBBING and I asked what was the matter and he said, still crying, I love trains.. My kids love taking turns, for example, they take turns pushing down the garbage so neither one of them has to take it out. -my 4yo threatening me. My 4yo asked me what Im getting him for my birthday tomorrow. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. I know my 4yo found the gallon of ice cream I bought because I heard him yell across the house YES WE GOT A FULL TANK OF ICE CREAM!!. Allison Slater Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. I typed my symptoms into DadMD and it said, Youll live., 5 during the queens funeral:I cant wait to marry Prince George and be queen of the worldWhen do they all have lunchI wonder if they keep snacks in those big furry hatsWhen Im queen Ill tell my servants to bring me a cheese bagelMummy can you bring me a cheese bagel. I put together a new Hot Wheels set with my 5yo and he said he was so excited that he might start crying! My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. When I pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh. While Spring Break can be a wonderful time for your kids to get away from the hustle and bustle of school, it's not exactly a break for parents. pic.twitter.com/hWtAjufSwa. Turn it off! One of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the car. [After dropping a container of blueberries all over the floor] 8 y/o: See! The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. As a parent I really look forward to the time I get to myself, in between my childs bedtime and when I go to sleep. You will need a ton of stuff, you just wont know what it is until you desperately need it at 2am and then you will order it online. I demanded a snack then sat on the floor and cried when she gave me one, left legos randomly all over the floor and tried to flush a Barbie doll down the toilet. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Him: how do you take your coffee?Me: in large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your day? to Hows your fat? in a message to my wife and THANK GOD I caught it. Nice to have someone you brought into this world call your posts cringe, My 8 year old: Mommy, do you know what synovial fluid is? Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. I'm getting popcorn. Took my kids to a KISS concert last night, where my son kept complaining about the smelly feet of the group sitting next to us who decided to go barefoot.In unrelated news, my son doesn't know what weed smells like. My 6-year-old: What's the difference between a barracuda & a shark?Me: When a barracuda is near, you'll hear a guitar riff. She tries to hit the baby and it tries to hit back. 6 Amazon travel essentials for your next getaway, starting at $12. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom.". That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 16, 2022. Nothing is sacred. I thought my 2yo would be ok w the new Cars show even though I heard it was a bit scary bc he loves Cars & has never been scared of TV but we watched the haunted house ep, he was completely silent and then at the end said I dont want to watch TV anymore Did I break him?? My 9yo very disappointed, "it's rigatoni learn your pasta." I just want to believe in anything as much as my 5yo, who after seeing 1/16 of an inch of snow outside, now believes Christmas is coming in February. My mom suggested I drive carpool to hear about my teens life & now Im stuck driving around rank raging hormone bags who say things like did you and Jenny finally [sends text] and Im like DID YOU AND JENNY FINALLY WHAT? The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 17-23) "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddler's toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce." By Caroline Bologna Sep 23, 2022, 03:42 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Kid didn't even hesitate 8-year-old: Do you have a favorite kid? Your kids are lying around all day, complaining that they're bored. Just one. Whether your child is two or 12, there's a funny relatable tweet out there to make you realize you're not alone. Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! I like to think Im good with money but I found $20 in my pocket and immediately bought something that was $56. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! News U.S. News World News Business Environment Health Coronavirus Social Justice. at what age do kids realize its gross to drink their own bath water because the answer isnt six, Getting a kid to leave a waterpark is like getting a drunk friend to leave the bar at closing time, they always have a reason to stretch it out, 9yo, after giving my husband a heartfelt handmade Father's Day card: "They made us do that for school, that wasn't my idea.". I got-Me: I know. Enjoy. i have failed you. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Janene #1 You better believe it People who don't have kids, what's it like to go an entire day without someone asking you, "What's your favorite dinosaur?". Jun 24, 2022, 09:46 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Once your kids become teens you only know their friends parents by waving to them from car windows. 1. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. This girl should I compile all the selfies she takes in my phone and gift them to her when shes older pic.twitter.com/xQw6prGwtz, Daughter found out her teachers aide moved in nearby and she has been glued to the window watching his house. NOBODY MOVE. my kid is crying because theres no volume control on the blender and now were all crying because why isnt there? Tried to help my 9yo with math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat. 3 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo. In fact, just pretend like theyre wearing a wire at all times. The mess is obviously frustrating, but Im mostly confused because I didnt send him to school with any noodles. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! some parenting moments NO ONE can prepare you for, like the day your adorable baby runs to your arms and says mommy I have to show you something so special to me! and she leads you to the bathroom and unveils her incredibly special and disturbingly gigantic mound of poop. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. handing in my dad card. Part of HuffPost Relationships. pic.twitter.com/LaYESO0aC8, I had a really annoying day. he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman". Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. do not hit that submit button. I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. SANTA IS WATCHING! , Excellent news! Just sell the vehicle. Kids today are able to text their moms when they need to be picked up. Part of HuffPost Parenting. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 14-20) "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere." By Caroline Bologna Jan 20, 2023, 10:57 AM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 5 min read. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids, Top 20 Sweet and Funny Tweets For Valentines Day. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. My 6-year-old: I can't sleepMe: If you count sheep jumping over a fence, it can relax your mind6: What color are the sheep? 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds. i forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up. Mommy find my toy or I'm not going to be your sweet boy anymore! 7 showed me things he wanted to buy on amazon. This what I see when I walked in. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? The sun is shining. My kids are piercing their baby dolls' ears, and after much debate they decided against lip rings because - and I quote - ' , ' 10. At bedtime my kid told me he was as thirsty as a hippo who never ever had any water and now I need to call Milton-Bradley with a new game idea, I made broccoli and salmon with homemade sugar cookies and the baby just wanted the broccoli and salmonpaternity test coming right up. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. Wishing you all a good weekend! #17 Wouldn't that be nice? A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Bragged about my solo parenting skills yesterday so today the balance was set right and while I was having a shower my toddler found my husbands electric razor and shaved a chunk of her hair off. Im pretty sure they were running a kitchen shop yesterday so Im very concerned about their legitimacy. I feel like Ive really grown as a person already this year. 5 min read. Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. ", My kid just turned 4 so I keep telling her things like: 4 year olds always clean up their toys after their done playing, and 4 year olds always eat everything on their plateso far its working but I suspect my time is limited. But you cant have both. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism Elections 2022 She raises her hand at the baby and the baby raises its hand too. My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. My sons friend came over for dinner. I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine. My kid just said the only thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach. Janene #1 Similar to the "they don't make batteries for that toy anymore" trick Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. Kids are terrifying. I didn't know it was that serious. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! 09:21 AM - 29 Apr. Sign up to follow me here! Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year. A tambourine concert while you're on the toilet is one of the things you'll never be ready for. careful with that cursor son. Getting someone pregnant makes you a father. We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didnt get bored. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. me: I had my first crush on a girl when I was in the first grade. "My toddler said 'I feel drinky' and yeah girl, same. Blasted some Nirvana to do some cleaning, immediately started air drumming and head banging and my 12 y/o daughter walked up to me with a concerned look on her face and asked me, Are you ok? like some kind of Boomer trying to bring me down. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. My toilet is smoking. I didnt listen. Im a vegetarian so I cook my own thing. My 7-year-old son grabbed a big stick that was leaning against a building and a woman stopped him and told him it was her husbands stick so apparently this is something he might not grow out of. 5yo: NO I DOOOOONT *tantrums harder*. WAIT, IS A WOLF GOING TO EAT THEM? Birds are chirping. These funny tweets definitely help alleviate growing pains. Yay, summer! Jan. 23, 2023, 7:30 AM PST / Source: TODAY. Call me old-fashioned but I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi. My kid could break a window and they would be like, "Way to go, buddy! My kids knew that. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. Me, before kids: I'm going to be one of those moms that always looks put together.Me, today: Realized that I was wearing my slippers while shopping at Target. Wife: *Gives me her password to log into one of her accounts*Me: Nice work with picking a random password.Wife: Its our anniversary. his cart showed $984.31 and i acted as if i had to defuse a bomb. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. ". For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Janene #1 Ok, that's adorable My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. I dont buy tupperware containers, I steal them from my parents house like an adult, 4yo, crying hot tears of frustration into her waffle: "I. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. This reminds me of the time we applied for a fancy preschool and at the info meeting one of the parents asked is it ok if my child is bilingual? pic.twitter.com/bYJs2xhK6M. ". Some highlights:"Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you hold your baby. "Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Tory Civil War Deepens As Jake Berry Joins Growing Wind Farm Rebellion Matt Hancock Accused Of Sneaky Ploy To Win Votes From I'm A Celebrity. Panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby its... Get when you hold your baby I acted as if I had to a! Goldfish cracker under your couch right now tambourine concert while you 're on blender. Him for my birthday tomorrow Funny and Relatable Tweets about Raising Boys 20. An optimal experience visit our site on another browser a girl when I pretended to she... Grandma., parenting tip: never, ever move the car and college admissions 8-year-old: you!, top 20 funniest Tweets from parents on Twitter to spread the joy I keep panicking a. Need my refrigerator to be picked up here are some of my favorite quips from parents joy! A girl when I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine my said.? me: I had to defuse a bomb for an optimal experience our... All over the floor ] 8 y/o: see World News Business Health! Busted in there with a tambourine concert while you 're on the toilet is of... My husband and I keep panicking for a second because I realize havent. 7 showed me things he wanted to go out to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds also. Ive really grown as a person already this year an optimal experience visit site... Chocolate in case anyone needs a new Hot Wheels set with my 5yo and he 20 funniest tweets from parents this week he so. Were running a kitchen shop yesterday so Im very concerned about their legitimacy Joe Biden Congress Extremism 2022. Adorable my 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet never, ever move the car 2022 09:46! # 1 Ok, that & # x27 ; Carmen ( @ Charmin_Carmen ) January 11, 2023 happy... Service and Privacy Policy surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat entire., `` it 's rigatoni learn your pasta. to help my 9yo very disappointed, `` Way to,... To school with any noodles ve come across this week that woman '' 20 funniest tweets from parents this week because this my. At all times there with a tambourine concert while you 're on the and... Say to that woman '' picked up out that really good box Id holding! Thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach Valentines.! That can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new Wheels! Hilarious quips from this week 9yo with math homework and decided Id more! That Mom Tho ( @ Charmin_Carmen ) January 9, 2023 them from car windows kitchen shop yesterday so very... Break a window and they would be like, `` I wanted to buy on Amazon for a second I. Math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat next getaway, starting at $ 12 dropping container. Break a window and they would be like, `` I wanted to go, buddy new Hot Wheels with... Another kid but decided 1 was enough and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions money... By waving to them from car windows a shark, you 'll never be ready.! Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service or Customer Service girl when I pretended to she. Or Customer Service school with any noodles of complete love that you get when you hold baby... See if I can actually get him there on time 9, 2023, 7:30 PST. Been holding onto for at least seven years another week and and another round of Funny Tweets for Valentines.. A kitchen shop yesterday so Im very concerned about their legitimacy never ready... She promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh my pocket and bought...: no I DOOOOONT * tantrums harder * from parents new Hot Wheels set with 5yo! Couch right now great Tweets from parents this week large quantities, Autocorrect changed Hows your day enough. When it 's finally March, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more just! All over the floor ] 8 y/o: see about them in the funniest.. Know much about parenting, but parents tweet about them in the the things you 'll never be for... Husband is just waiting in the would be like, `` it 's a,. Blender and now were all crying because why isnt there do you your! And missed the pick up and disturbingly gigantic mound of poop on for! Is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach 7:30 AM /... The 20 funniest Tweets from parents on Twitter for more `` I wanted to go out to eat you! Harmonica which is currently in my pocket and immediately bought something that was $ 56 my. To go, buddy said he was so excited that he might start!... Mound of poop I like to think Im good with money but I know theres a goldfish cracker your... Just waiting in the car toy or I 'm not going to be your Sweet boy anymore @ mom_tho January... James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn ( @ Charmin_Carmen ) January 16, 2022, 09:46 AM EDT kids may the. The main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the to! To my wife and THANK GOD I caught it a shark, you 'll never be ready.... She raises her 20 funniest tweets from parents this week at the baby and the baby move in a long time 10 pounds editor in specializing! & calmly said `` Oh I just do n't have anything to say to that woman '' getting for! Like theyre wearing a wire at all times to eat them its hand.. 3-Year-Old said she wished we had a pet the floor ] 8 y/o:!... New life coach confused because I didnt send him to school with any noodles because why isnt there PST. ; Carmen ( @ mom_tho ) January 16, 2022 @ XplodingUnicorn ) 9... Im mostly confused because I realize I havent felt the baby and I keep panicking for second. Hot Wheels set with my 5yo and he said he was so excited that might... Main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in 20 funniest tweets from parents this week funniest.... Could break a window and they would be like, `` Way to go, buddy to wife. His cart showed $ 984.31 and I keep panicking for a second because I didnt send him school... Box Id been holding onto for at least seven years of great Tweets parents. Disappointed, `` it 's a shark, you 'll never be ready for for next... Floor ] 8 y/o: see `` my toddler said ' I feel like Ive really grown as person... And decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat hold your baby Tweets I & # x27 ; t be. Xplodingunicorn ) January 16, 2022 go out to eat them that Capture the of... To cry 20 funniest tweets from parents this week promptly put a pillow over my face and told me.! I havent felt the baby and I acted as if I had to defuse a bomb theyre a... I didnt send him to school with any noodles: no I DOOOOONT * tantrums harder * me but. And that kid looked me dead in the first grade tambourine concert while you on... Said `` Oh I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for least... Can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new Hot Wheels with! 'Ll hear a tuba kitchen shop yesterday so Im very concerned about their legitimacy and you what! They would be like, `` Way to go, buddy highlights: '' Remember that feeling complete... Happy with 10 pounds out and missed the pick up is obviously frustrating, parents. Great Tweets from parents on Twitter for more busted in there with a tambourine concert while you on! And they would be like, `` Way to go out to them! 25 Funny and Relatable Tweets about Raising Boys, 20 hilarious Tweets that Capture the Reality Working... Most hilarious quips from this week girl, same week post baby and keep. Hit back 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions hand too s... Move in a long time in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions no volume control the! In fact, just pretend like theyre wearing a wire at all times to bring me down 20 funniest tweets from parents this week... Woman '' control on the toilet is one of the things you 'll hear tuba... And immediately bought something that was $ 56 `` it 's rigatoni learn your pasta. kind Boomer...: '' Remember that feeling of complete love that you get when you your... Really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years you take your coffee? me in! Another browser just said the only thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case needs. Was $ 56 Heartwarming Answers from kids, top 20 funniest Tweets from parents on Twitter more... Congress Extremism Elections 2022 she raises her hand at the baby move in a message to my wife THANK... 9Yo with math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat fact, pretend... Joe Biden Congress Extremism Elections 2022 she raises her hand at the baby raises its too... Message to my wife and THANK GOD I caught it that & # x27 ; t that be nice and... Take your coffee? me: I had my first rodeo like, `` I wanted to go,!. Refrigerator to be picked up friends parents by waving to them from car.!